Prohibited Object List

Legend has it that the List was first nailed to the door of the Refectorium by a particularly angry Professor in the year 1162. Eye-witness reports have the unnamed but presumably extremely vexed Professor mumbling about final straws and bestiaries, so it is not improbable to presume that this event was in some way connected to the Great Auditorium Conflagration of 1161, in which the main lecture hall/laboratory at the time suffered mortal damage from the accidental hatching of a lehrling's lucky dragon egg (unfertilised dragon eggs were fashionable at the time and the student apparently did not notice the difference until, alas, too late) into a fog of escaped alchemical gas.

Later Chancellors of the university endorsed the list and eventually made it official. A copy has been provided to Head Prefect Boris for enforcement purposes.


The List currently reads as follows:

  • Lucky dragon eggs
  • Unlucky dragon eggs
  • Any dragon eggs whatsoever
  • No dragon hatchlings either
  • Where do you plan to keep that grown dragon, in your dorm?
  • Basilisks
  • Cockatrices
  • Gorgons
  • Wyverns
  • Manticores
  • Tentacle monsters of any description!!!
  • Griffins, Griffons, Gryphons, Gryphins, or however you want to spell it.
  • No Hippogriffs either, wiseass
  • Or Pegasi
  • The University is a Tarrasque-free zone
  • You know what? That does it. No pets, familiars, animal companions, companion animals, creatures, beasts, bound spirits, etc etc.
    • Anyone of Magister rank or above is allowed to keep a common animal as a pet, as an exception to the above
      • Said pet must be a typical animal of a common type. No fantastic, magical, augmented, mutated, or otherwise abnormal specimens are permitted.
        • This includes dragons. I don't care if they're common in Romany.
          • The fact your Uncle Wilbur had one as a pet when he was young still doesn't cut it.
  • Sovereign Glue, except where expressly permitted for experimental purposes
  • Inflatable dragons
    • Inflatable versions of any of the above prohibited creatures.
  • Get Out Of Detention Free cards
  • Self transporting desk chairs (Sitting down and suddenly ending up in the lavatory is NOT funny!)
  • Personalized uniforms using animals DO count as pets!
  • Singing chalk
  • Flaming chalk
  • Freezing chalk
  • NO ENCHANTED CHALK!
  • Cheating quills
  • Self-recording quills
  • Quills are NOT supposed to have their own opinions! I do not need a quill that argues with me!
  • Transforming clothing or vestments of ANY KIND, including, but not limited to: disappearing hats, robes, socks, or shoes. Hats that change into live ferrets count as pets!
  • Foundation stones
    • Especially foundation stones from University buildings
  • Paper airships
  • Real airships
  • University staff
    • Especially faculty
      • Especially faculty from other Orders
  • Scale catapults
  • Scale trebuchets
  • Scale scorpions
  • Scale mangonels
  • Scale ballistae
  • SCALE SIEGE ENGINES OF ANY KIND
    • AND REAL SIEGE ENGINES, TOO
      • Cannon are also siege weapons. They are not exempt as "Religious Paraphernalia"
        • Neither are they exempt as "Musical Instruments"
        • Yes, we're oppressing your religion. Suck it up buttercup.
    • It should be self evident by this point that magically animated intelligent scale siege engines count as pets and furthermore would be disallowed even if they were not.
  • Clockwork mice count as pets
    • So do automatons of any type.
      • Don't even mention droids.
  • Illegal hallucinogenic drugs
  • Legal hallucinogenic drugs while on campus.
    • Don't argue that you should be allowed to because they're legal, or I'll sic the heffalumps on you again.
      • And the woozles. We're serious.
  • Legal or illegal hallucinogens of any sort, drug or not.
    • If it's anywhere on, about or in your body, you're in possession of it.
      • We don't allow "biological studies" of those toads. Other schools can research those.
        • If your academic career is dependent on studying those toads, then transfer to a different school.
          • Ideally on a different continent.
            • No, you can't study any other non-toad hallucinogen-secreting animals.
              • No matter what loophole you try to come up with, we'll just call them pets. Give it up. Seriously.
  • No you cannot have a Demonic Kitten. I don't care if it's technically insubstantial. Did you not see the bit about bound spirits?
    • Any "imaginary friend" that can interact with the physical world, or be perceived by others is not imaginary, it is a pet.
      • What part of "no pets" is difficult for the academic elite of this country and several others to understand!?
        • Anyone caught violating the prohibition against pets shall be sentenced to remedial reading and vocabulary classes in the local kindergarten.
  • Transcripts, Diaries, or other recordings containing the unredacted words of victims of Dahlstrom's Syndrome
  • "Anti-" anything is forbidden.
    • This includes anti-matter and anti-cheese.
      • As well as antipasto, antifreeze and antimacassars.
        • Don't blame us, you're the ones who abuse the spirit of the rules to the point we need to be literal.
  • Magically Self-popping bubble gum of ANY flavour is strictly forbidden!

(Feel free to add more items to the list before the gum. Also feel free to add more pets to ludicrous proportions before the kittens.)

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